What is wrong with me? Have you ever struggled with that question so much, that you decided to try and find an answer online?
Well… since you’re here, I’m going to assume you have!
And let me tell you, you are not alone!
Almost everyone has asked themselves that exact same question at one point in their life.
For some, it can be a brief moment of self-doubt, while for others it might be a persistent sense of inadequacy.
But why is that though? And how do we get rid of it?
If you want to know the answer to these questions, keep on reading!
Because in this post, I’ll be giving you a clear answer that might very well change your perception of yourself.
So let’s dive in!
Table of Contents
Why You Feel Like Something Is Wrong With You
There are many different situations in your life that could lead to that voice in your head saying “whats wrong with me!?”
These include feeling overpowered by life circumstances, feeling like you’re stuck while everyone else seems to progress, a certain traumatic experience, feeling lonely, or a generally low level of self-esteem (among others).
If we look at it superficially, we could come to the conclusion that any one of these life situations could be the cause of you thinking there’s something wrong with you.
However, to understand this negative self-image a bit better, we have to dig deeper.
If we look at it objectively, it’s not necessarily the difficult circumstances you might find yourself in, but rather the way your mind reacts to them, that is the problem.
Just think about it, whenever the thought ‘what’s wrong with me?’ arises, you can see that it’s actually the thoughts and the corresponding feelings that cause the unpleasantness, not the external situation (or your own actions).
You have to realize that you’re not directly experiencing the world, you’re experiencing your perception of the world through your senses.
In other words, the outside world is stimulating your inside world through your senses.
What feels good for you might feel awful for someone else, and vice versa.
I know some of you might be thinking, “okay, so how do I control my reaction to my senses?”.
Well, it’s all about understanding how this beautiful piece of technology called the human body works.
Let me explain!
Thoughts and Feelings Explained
Just sit still for a moment and analyze the situation. Where does that little voice that’s asking the question “is there something wrong with me” come from?
You might not realize it, but you are actually in control of the most sophisticated piece of technology on the planet, the human body!
However, as the acclaimed spiritual teacher Sadhguru puts it “have you bothered reading the manual?”
We as humans tend to suffer the exact same things that enable us to dominate the world as a species.
We have been gifted with an incredibly vivid sense of memory and imagination. It’s due to these amazing faculties that we were able to do marvelous things that no other species on this planet even came close to doing.
On the other hand, it’s also due to these faculties that we have done horrendous things to each other, to the planet, and to ourselves.
We use our fantastic sense of imagination to torment ourselves with events that will most likely never even happen.
Similarly, our vivid sense of memory is used to remind ourselves of all the bad things that have happened (on a daily basis).
A research paper written by Steve Bradt from Harvard, concluded that our minds are lost in thought almost 47% of the time.
It’s due to this constant mind-wandering that we as humans suffer.
When the mind wanders off to play with memory and imagination – and we’re not conscious of the thought process -, more often than not, it ends in misery.
That’s because our minds are programmed to constantly think of ways that help us get what we want and especially avoid what we don’t want.
Ironically, it’s having the exact opposite effect. The truth is, we are experiencing what we don’t want on a daily basis.
That overwhelming moment of shame, awkwardness, or jealousy from 5 years ago is still going on today, due to the courtesy of the wandering mind.
Similarly, that overwhelming feeling of anxiety over what might happen in the future has become the new normal.
As you can see, the result of living in the alternative reality created by the wandering mind leads to a conflict with life/ reality instead of a deep connection with the moment that is unfolding in front of you.
Most people live their whole lives like this, which is why so many people seem unhappy/depressed/angry all the time.
It’s all because we are too identified with our thoughts and emotions.
The truth is, you are not your thoughts, nor are you your emotions.
Where is that voice in your head that’s asking the question “what’s wrong with me?” come from?
Is it you? … If so, why don’t you just stop thinking about it? And while you’re at it, why don’t you stop thinking about every other negative thing and only think positive thoughts from now on?
You can’t, right? You wouldn’t even be able to stop your mind from producing new thoughts for 30 seconds if you’d try it right now.
That’s because you are not your thoughts, nor are you your emotions.
While you are able to willfully create thoughts in your mind, 99% of the thoughts arising in your mind happen automatically.
They are the result of years of data gathering, which are now forming the foundation of your perception of life.
What you (or rather your mind) don’t realize, is that the data you are gathering is statistically insignificant.
Every moment you are collecting data, there are billions and billions of moments that are going uncollected in the world (let alone in the universe)
Yet your mind/the voice in your head thinks it’s right all the time (even though it is proven to be wrong more times than you can count).
In his book “the untethered soul” Michael Singer compares the voice in your head to a bad roommate that never stops complaining and always has something negative to say.
When you start looking at your mind like this, you’ll be able to create some perspective to the thoughts that are arising in your mind.
The ultimate goal is to realize who you actually are.
And who you are is consciousness.
You are the consciousness experiencing the thoughts and emotions that arise in your body.
By creating a distance between yourself (the consciousness) and your thoughts and emotions, you’ll begin to notice a subtle changes in your mind and your perception of life.
It is in this distance, that you’ll be able to let go of past trauma, negative self-images and unwanted behaviours.
Things That Can Help
So in order for you to overcome negative thoughts and self-doubt, you’ll have to become more conscious.
There are several different ways to do this, but the most effective ones are positive thinking and taking an online training course.
One of the simplest ways to create a more positive mind is through positive thinking. Positive thinking is simply the process of replacing negative thoughts with positive ones, whenever you notice a negative thought coming up.
It’s really as simple as it sounds, although it will take some getting used to in the beginning.
You can also use affirmations to help you think more positively. Affirmations are short positive phrases that you say out loud or in your mind on a daily basis, to train your mind to be more positive.
Positive thinking is a simple but effective way, but an even more effective one would be to take an online training course.
Online Training Course
There are several different spiritual/mindfulness/personal transformation courses that guide you on your journey inwards and achieve a higher level of consciousness.
One of the best ones I have ever taken is Michael Singer’s Living from a place of surrender. In his course, Michael takes you by the hand and teaches you everything about the complicated thought process in our heads, consciousness, emotions, meditations, and even planetary science. If you want to become more conscious, I highly recommend taking this course. You can find my review of the course here. There are also a lot of other online training courses that can help you get in touch with the indwelling consciousness and align yourself with the flow of the universe. You can find an overview of these spiritual courses here.
So the reason why the thought “what is wrong with me?” arises, is because you’re not conscious enough to see the whole picture.
You are too identified with your thoughts and emotions which leads to a feeling of separation.
It’s like driving a car, and instead of being in the driver’s seat, you’re in the passenger seat being confused and anxious about the one who is driving.
And you should be! Because the one that is driving (your thoughts and emotions) is very, very, very unqualified.
Your thoughts and emotions are merely a collection of stored impressions from your past. As I said, these stored impressions are merely a fraction of what is really out there in the world (even though your mind will argue till the day is long that everything it has collected is true).
You have to take back control and get back in the driver seat. Be conscious of who you are, and create a distance between yourself and the thoughts and emotions arising in your body.
After some time, you’ll see a significant increase in your overal level of hapiness and confidence, and a decrease in negative thoughts and self-doubt!
Please let me know if this was helpful in the comments below!
2 thoughts on “‘What is wrong with me?’ – A simple answer”
Hi Mike, thank you for this info. I have read both The Surrender Experiment as well as The Untethered Soul by Mickey Singer, and both have encouraged me to pursue a life being more mindful. I have spent the last few hours reading pretty much everything you have written on this website, and I resonate with all of it. I go through periods of anxiety/depression and tend to get caught up in my thoughts, but will continue to practice separating myself from my thoughts and emotions. You are doing a great thing and helping countless people!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I know it’s hard not to get caught up in your thoughts, especially in the beginning. We have lived our whole lives thinking that our thoughts and emotions are us, it’s hard-wired into our brains (ironically). It takes time to break free from these patterns, but the feeling you get when you start to notice the changes is absolutely worth it. You’ll see yourself become happier each day and things will bother you less and less (and even when they do, they don’t last long). I respect you for working on yourself, just being willing to improve yourself is half the battle. I know you’ll get there eventually if you keep at it!